can't pin me down

teacher for the month: ten of wands

that moment when you've been flying around all day, getting shit done, only to realize that it was all stuff that wasn't moving you towards your overall goals.

the feeling when you realize that you're showing up and doing more than your own work in a relationship, a group, a community.

knowing that you could let some things go off your plate, but also knowing that you do not trust that anyone would do that work, or do it like you can, so why not just do it yourself?

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the ten of wands is one of the cards, historically, that people don't like. in a lot of decks, this card looks like a huge pile of sticks that you're being asked to carry, or a mess of things on the ground that someone has dropped after being unable to carry them all. it doesn't look fun to get the ten of wands, and many guidebooks and teachers will tell you it's about the ego of carrying more than you're meant to.

but any ten is also the end of a cycle - it's a natural point to pause and re-evaluate. it's the culmination of a season of planting, growth, harvesting. and at the end of anything, we always have to pause and say "what needs to stay, and what can be released?" and when we're in the suit of fire, the wands, it's about our inner flame, our pilot lights, our ability to stoke our own fire when it's dampened.

as a teacher, this card is a big ask for me. the phrase i keep hearing is "let me teach you what is your work". we all can struggle with boundaries around work. we all pick up extra shifts, emotionally or literally, but are we continually saying yes just to avoid.....something?

maybe you don't want the work to go undone. maybe you want the credit for being the go-to person. maybe you want to make it easier for everyone else. maybe you are the best person for the job. maybe no one can do it like you. maybe this has always been this way. maybe you only know how to live and be in a state of continuous motion, tired and overworked.

this month, the ten of wands says, let's question those assumptions. instead, let's ask these questions:

does this feel like my job?

does saying yes to this mean that no one else can learn to do it?

does swooping in to save the day feed my inner neediness more than it solves a problem?

am i doing more work in this relationship so that i can control how it proceeds?

would help or support in this area free up more of my head and heart space?

what does asking for help bring up in me?

can we make space for what is coming next by letting go of what isn't ours to do anymore?

these questions are hard for me to answer - i imagine they're hard for lots and lots of people. it is incredibly vulnerable to admit that we need help, we need support - and that doesn't even take into account the act of actually asking for that support, or, woof, receiving that support once requested.

but the other side is that:

in asking for help, we can feel lighter.

when we let other people do work, they learn to do it.

we can challenge the idea that we're the only ones who can do something.

we learn to appreciate how things shift when someone brings their own energy to something.

we can see how we move through the world differently when we don't have so much in our arms, or aren't carrying so much on our backs.

we can focus our attention even more fully on what is there for us to work on.

practically speaking, i am going to be available for these lessons by making an effort to tune in and capture how i feel when working/interacting with people/creating. does it energize me? do i avoid it? am i dreading it? what do i race to my desk to do? what do i put off for days (err.....weeks)? what would feel different if i had help? can i accept help graciously? can i ask for support? can i be open to the shifts in where i'm called, where my work is needed? can i put down what isn't mine?

This month, Iā€™m writing every day as part of the Tarot for the Underworld challenge, hosted by Lindsay Mack of Tarot for the Wild Soul and Amy Kuretsky of Breathwork for Business Babes. See more on Instagram!